This website offers low-cost pension products to those that are have a good understanding of their pension needs and are comfortable choosing products and investment funds.
An 'elevator pitch' is a general overview of of a service, that you could 'pitch' to someone else, during the course of a short 'elevator' ride.
This is what I have come up with so far.
Imagine, for a moment, that you just about to retire. You've saved hard for most of your working life so that you can relax from now on. You are dreaming of white sandy beaches and endless days of sunshine.
All of a sudden, your dream is smashed by the realisation that it is your pension advisor that is lying on the beach, in the place where you should be. How do you feel?
You can prevent this nightmare. By taking a more proactive role in your retirement planning, you can reduce charges and enhance your retirement fund. For details, visit www.prsa.ie.
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I would be grateful for any comments on how you think I could improve this.
Changes to third paragraph.
First Attempt : You can prevent this.
How? By taking a more proactive role in how you save for your retirement. Spend Time and Save Money.
That is what www.prsa.ie is all about.
Second Attempt : www.prsa.ie can help you prevent this nightmare, by taking a more proactive role in your retirement planning; thus reducing charges and enhancing your pension fund.
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6 comments:
Nice dream/nightmare sequence!The last paragraph might be better incorporated into the second last, such as:
You can prevent this. By using www.prsa.ie to take a more proactive role in saving for your retirement, you will reduce fees and make substantial improvements to your eventual fund.
Visit www.prsa.ie now for more details.
Or something to that effect. Work on it, it has the makings of something good.
I agree with Pat that there should be a little bit more information in the final paragraph to whet the appetite sufficiently to make the reader want to visit PRSA.ie.
Example - "www.PRSA.ie can help you prevent this nightmare by arranging your pension plan with greatly reduced, fully transparent charges."
The opening is great, by the way - very arresting!
Thanks Guys. I have tweaked it a bit to include some of your comments. What do you think?
Last paragraph still the wrong way around. may be it is me, but I would like to show them the solution, then let them have the contact details. If I was listening to your advert, I would still be visualising the story and would ask at the end, great, who do I contact?
If you listen to ads, the contact is always at the end of the copy just for this reason.
So it might read:
You can prevent this nightmare. By taking a more proactive role in your retirement planning, you can reduce charges and enhance your retirement fund. For details, visit www.prsa.ie.
I think you are right. It does read better by having the solution at the end as it may be forgotten by the time the 'pitch' is over.
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